People who have not experienced infertility will never understand the emotional, physical, and mental pain us infertiles endure in our quest to parenthood. Some Fertile Myrtles are clueless; others are just plain insensitive. So, for the sake of educating the fertile community (and hopefully providing some much-needed laughs to those of us still struggling with infertility), I compiled the following . . .
“Ten Things Never to Say to Someone Dealing With Infertility”:
Note: In order to protect the (not so) innocent, some names and details have been changed.
1. "I got pregnant the first month with all my kids. Just put on some lingerie and attack your husband when he gets home from work." Nice. Because I don't get enough sex advice from strangers.
2. From a former co-worker: "Just have more sex. That worked for us. We realized we were just off by a day or so every month, so we started having sex every day and got pregnant right away." Right, thanks. I hadn't thought of actually having sex!
3. From a “friend” who shall remain nameless: “Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you weren’t meant to have children.” Really? Maybe you weren’t meant to have an IQ of 40. Unfortunately, you won’t get any smarter. I, however, will have children.
4. From one of my treating physicians: "I know how frustrating infertility can be. My wife and I tried for FOUR MONTHS before we got pregnant!"
5. Similarly, so many of my girlfriends who tried to get pregnant for 4-6 months and *maybe* used Clomid: "I know how you feel." You are freakin' kidding me, right??
6. Lots of people have asked, “So how is the baby thing going? Are you pregnant yet?” Thank you to everyone for your interest in my uterus. I will let you know if and when I become pregnant. In the meantime, it’s kind of a sore subject, so please STOP ASKING!
7. From my well-meaning girlfriends with kids: "It will happen for you when it's your time. We just had to wait for God to send us the perfect baby for our family." Great theory. But why is it your time again and again, while we never get a shot? Did I upset God? Is our family not worthy of a baby??
8. From a neighbor: “I don’t know why all you young people feel like you have to run off and take all these fertility drugs. In my day, people just kept at it until they had a kid and that seemed to work just fine.” Well, us “young people” (and if I was truly that young, I don’t think I’d be having these fertility problems, thank you very much) now have the advantage of all the wonderful medical advances that have taken place over the last few decades. Thank goodness for modern medicine (and welcome to 2008!).
9. "If you decide to adopt, I think you should get a baby from Russia so it looks like you. Those Ethiopian babies are malnourished and will have lots of health problems that may not show up for years." My husband thinks concerns regarding the health of an adoptive baby are valid.* I agree; however, I think the above statement is ignorant and racist.
10. From just about every person who has heard about our adoption plans: "As soon as you start the adoption process, you'll get pregnant. That's how it always works." Really? Because I thought it had something to do with an egg, some sperm, my high FSH, health problems, etc. But buying another baby** will get me pregnant with my own?? Perfect. Done.
*For the record, I have the most wonderful husband in the world and he is 100% on board with, and excited about, our Ethiopian adoption.
**Please understand that this is a total joke. I in no way view adoption as “buying a baby.” I’m just being a smart ass because I am so tired of people who think adoption will somehow miraculously cure my infertility.