OK, maybe he's not actually stalking me per se, but I do keep running into him in the grocery store. If you're a fan of The Sopranos, you can understand how this would be a little surreal. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, click here to get up to speed.
So yesterday, Vito's at my grocery store again. Why is he always following me around the produce section?? OK, not "following me" exactly but, you know, in the same vicinity. As we're in the checkout line, some *crazy* man starts yelling, "It's the gay Soprano! It's the gay Soprano!"
You see, my "stalker," who's actually a very nice man and an excellent actor, played a mobster in the HBO series The Sopranos, and his character happened to be gay. And now, while in the grocery store with his adorable baby daughter, real-life Vito's got some crazy man yelling at him. I kept my distance (because who knew what the crazy, yelling man might have done?), so I couldn't hear everything that was said. But Vito dealt with the situation beautifully. I was so proud of my stalker.
I really shouldn't be joking about stalkers, because I actually have a bona fide stalker who is currently serving time in prison. (Unfortunately, I'm totally serious.) I don't want to disclose too many details, for fear he might find my blog and recommence his INSANE stalking behavior; however, I will say that he was considerate enough to mail me his semen from prison. Because, you know, he's a giver.I am sure I'm not the only woman who's ever dealt with a crazy man. Do you have any stalker stories? (I know a few of you have some humdingers - Aunt Becky, I'm talkin' to you.) Any ex-boyfriends who went a little overboard? What about celebrity sightings?
Please share!! I need some good laughs today.
**Edited to add: Aunt Becky inquired how my stalker packaged his semen for my "care package." He was quite creative, actually. He sent me a pile of paperwork, stapled in the upper left corner. But, instead of one staple, there was a circle of staples (about 12 or 13). When the staples were removed, we discovered he had created a "pocket" for his "special sauce." Pretty sneaky, huh?