Fair warning: I'm afraid I'm a bit of a "Debbie Downer" today. Wah Wah. Everyone sing along now . . .
You're enjoying your day
Everything's going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer.
Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease
A car accident or killer bees
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, Please!"
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!
If you don't watch "Saturday Night Live" and have no earthly idea what I'm talking about, check out the video here. I've never seen so many cast members (and guest host Lindsay Lohan) crack up in the middle of a sketch. Hysterical.
Anyway, we now return to our regularly scheduled (pathetically depressing) program . . .
I went to the doctor's office this morning for my CD 8 blood work and ultrasound. I've been on injectable hormones for 5 days so far. As of this morning, my AFC was down to four(!) and my follicles are not growing as quickly as they should. Wah Wah.
To top things off, my monster endometrioma continues to blow up like some horrible balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I don't think I've actually seen an "Ovarian Endometroid Cyst Balloon" in the parade. Yet. Hmmmmm . . . maybe I should write a letter. Also, I really need to come up with a name for the (not so) little bugger. Any ideas?? In case you need some inspiration, here's how I picture him (oh yes, the cyst is definitely a "him;" only a man could cause this much trouble):
My RE is allowing my IVF cycle to continue for now, but he did give me the dreaded donor egg (DE) speech. I am not 100% opposed to considering DEs, but I would prefer to adopt. (We will be adopting at least one child, regardless of whether or not we are able to conceive a biological child.) SM is anti-DE at the moment.
So, to sum things up, my ovaries don't work. And I haven't heard back from our adoption agency since we sent in our paperwork last week. All kinds of crazy scenarios are running through my mind: What if they reject us because of my lupus? What if they decide to close our international program to new families? What if I'm just not meant to have a child?Maybe I'm overreacting because I'm all hopped up on IVF hormones. But I feel like I'm going crazy and I need someone to throw me a lifeboat.
Sorry to be so tediously self-indulgent today. If you don't mind, I'm gonna' go wallow in my hormone-fueled misery now. Wah Wah.